I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize