The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
