I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
