dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
