just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
