i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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