i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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