I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
