Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
