i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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