Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
