Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
