wanna go halves on a baby?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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