i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
