i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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