If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
