Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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