glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
