hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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