Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
