strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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