I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You need Xanax blowdarts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
