It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
