I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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