All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
