It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
