Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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