i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
