Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
