Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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