You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
