I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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