Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
