I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
