I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
