i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
