You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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