it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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