Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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