God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
