I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
