The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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