I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
