Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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