On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
