i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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