I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
