Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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