grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
