Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
