And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
