it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
