weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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