i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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