Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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