so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
