Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
