Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
