I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone signed my nipple.
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