Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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