gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
