I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
