There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
