The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
