In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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