That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
