she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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