I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
