Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
