I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
