fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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